1. |
Sex and Self Destruction
04:29
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There’s a girl with storms in her eyes
Stars dance beneath her skin
She’ll take a taste of your troubles
She’ll breathe you in, breathe you in
She turns and whispers to me softly, bitterly,
I know that I’m worthless, I know that I deserve this
I said, Oh no my darling, you’ve just been a bit flung around by
Sex and self destruction
Mass consumption and mass production and microcosms and scaled reductions
I’m still feigning with
Make believe, supersaturated fantasy
Faerietales aren’t lies you see, your castle in the clouds was built by me
And I never ever ever meant to tear it down
I’m loving this feeling of how much I hate
Feeling so much, lying so much, laughing and seeing so much
Not thinking clearly, and sleeping in too late
Pondering, wondering, reading unsuccessfully and such
A perfect time to disappear
Pack my soul inside my fears
I’m turning once again to
Sex and self destruction
Mass consumption and mass production and microcosms and scaled reductions
I’m still feigning with
Make believe, supersaturated fantasy
Faerietales aren’t lies you see, your castle in the clouds was built by me
And I never ever ever meant to tear it down
Forget what I tried to be
Ideals I’ve seemed to fail to achieve
What I tried to make from what you made from me
Did you ever truly see, did I ever truly believe
The difference between the heart and the soul
I don’t know
Sex and self destruction
Mass consumption and mass production and microcosms and scaled reductions
I’m still feigning with
Make believe, supersaturated fantasy
Faerietales aren’t lies you see, your castle in the clouds was built by me
And I never ever ever ever ever meant to tear it down
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2. |
Zero Point Five
02:34
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My glass is sitting squarely at zero point five
‘Cause pessimism’s cliché and optimism’s for fools
Fifty percent of what I regret and fifty percent it was all for the best
So zero point five and I drink sweet love to you
The sum of the parts is only as broken as its pieces
But I can’t seem to glue it as great as the whole
I’ve tried affection, I’ve tried crying, I’ve tried mistakes and excuses
But I can’t replace it and I can’t make it better again
Because I’ll break it and I can’t take it
Your eyes looking at me so hurt again
You left a big gaping hole where my stability used to be
And tried to fill it up with things like human love and generosity
It seems by this you made a wreck out of me
So why love, why love is it that you can’t seem to see
The sum of the parts is only as broken as its pieces
But I can’t seem to glue it as great as the whole
I’ve tried reflection, introspection, reverence and abuses
But I can’t take it and I can’t make it better again
Because I’ll break it and I’ll misplace it only to find
Your eyes looking at me so hurt again, again
‘Cause the sum of the parts is only as broken as its pieces
But I can’t seem to glue it as great as the whole
I’ve tried affection, introspection, ignorance and abuses
But I can’t replace it and I can’t make it better again
Because I’ll break it and I’ll misplace it
And I can’t replace it, oh I can’t take it
Your eyes looking at me so hurt again
So hurt again
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3. |
Biography Of A Good Girl
02:31
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I’ve never understood
How I’ve always been so good
And they’ve never seen that I was just scared
How I rarely was denied
And always seemed to try
Unless something caught me unprepared
It’s this feeling of resentment that I can’t seem to escape
And the chance to fuck it up that I always want to take
I’ll make so many well-placed mistakes
Spice up my history with every pill I take
Being good was never good enough for me
Being a good girl don’t make for much mystery
Self-loathing, self-help and a little self-pleasuring
Is what gives a young lady a best-selling biography
I know I’d let you down
If I ever hit the ground
So I learned how to discreetly hover
Keep my problems perfect
The sort that will be worth it
Once I become that excellent daughter, mother, lover
It’s forming bad habits that I know that I can shake
Making little promises I know that I will break
Stay when I should leave, and leave when I should stay
Spice up my history with every woman I lay
Being good was never good enough for me
Being a good girl don’t make for much mystery
Self-loathing, self-help and a little self-pleasuring
Is what gives a young lady a best-selling biography
I could never be amazed
I could never be a disgrace
Playing out exactly according to script
Not too normal
But not too much of a performer
Just the right amount of insecurity to be hip
It’s soiling my own destiny with every move I make
Planning out the moments that I’ll let my façade break
I’ll be everything I hate
Spice up my history with each wrong word I say
Spice up my history with every breath I take
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4. |
Dear Universe
04:53
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Let's shut ourselves up in an empty room
With just some colour for the walls and our bodies' tunes
We'll paint everything we can't keep inside
Things that can't be hidden but can't be vocalized
Not representations
Of how we feel
But rather explanations
Of what to us is real
Dear Universe
I've still got a lot of growing up to do
And I know I don't have to explain
Because you know exactly what I'm going through
One day I'll stop being silly and selfish
Learn to play with whatever I'm dealt with
So bear with me a while
I'm just feeling a little bit blue
Strangers on a train was my fantasy
Anything that'd give me a taste of some mystery and intrigue
Walking down streets on crisp cold nights
Looking into any window that exhaled light
Speculating
Painting fiction in my mind
Separating
The reason from the rhyme
Dear Universe
I've still got a lot of growing up to do
And I know I don't have to explain
Because you know exactly what I'm going through
One day I'll stop being silly and selfish
Learn to play with whatever I'm dealt with
So bear with me a while
I'm know you’ve tasted this too
Let’s drink coffee and talk about social policy
Existential angst, pop culture and philosophy
Environmentalist righteousness and indie pretension
Academic posturing and strained comprehension
Laughing, disguised as debating
Trying out fresh new bullshit lines
Commiserating
About belonging to this thing known as human kind
And when we realize we're living in a cliché
Does that give you comfort, does that give you faith
The fact that typical has always been saved
And the fact that typical always remains
Never mind, sit with me, watch the rain and write bad poetry
Haikus about me loving you loving me
I'm not altogether sure about these values I cling to
And I'm afraid that my planet will never be renewed
To be honest, I don't have many well formed opinions
I'm terrified, a victim of human condition
I wonder sometimes if I'm just a
Distorted reflection of what I've been sold
And I wonder sometimes
If all I know is what I've been told
Dear Universe
I've still got a lot of growing up to do
And I know I don't have to explain
Because you know exactly what I'm going through
One day I'll stop being silly and selfish
Learn to play with whatever I'm dealt with
So bear with me a while, bear with me a while, bear with me a while
Bear with me
Dear Universe
I've still got a lot of growing up to do
And I know I never really did have to explain
Because you’ve always seemed to know what I’ve been going through
One day I’ll stop being so silly and selfish
Learn to play with whatever I’m dealt with
So bear with me a while
I'm still so goddamn in love with you
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5. |
The Nihilism Song
03:09
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Heat rising to my face, disgrace
Too much to lose in this sweet embrace
Maintain the distance, while keeping up the pace
You don’t understand how much you’ve misplaced
I wanted to get lost in you
But lost was never found
You’re running to try to catch up to me
But I’m running out of time before I hit the ground
My solution for sensitivity
Lies in my nihilistic tendencies
If I don’t believe in you
Then you can’t believe in me
I’m still getting used to living in my own skin
Still trying on my soul for size, and I better get a fit before I let you in
I’m lying through my teeth and kissing away my lies
Every smile is just a smirk in disguise
Getting set to play the victim, getting you to sympathize
Before you realize, before I compromise
My solution for sensitivity
Lies in my nihilistic tendencies
If I don’t believe in you
Then you can’t believe in me
I wanted you to seize me, tease me, leave me
Break me, taste me, to please just complicate me
So I can beg for forgiveness true
While I know you know I know the blame’s on you
It’s a liar’s game where you think you know the truth
About everything I made you put me through
My solution for sensitivity
Lies in my nihilistic tendencies
If I don’t believe in you
Then you can’t believe in me
If I don’t believe in you
Then you can’t believe in me
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6. |
Soaked To The Soul
03:22
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Gargoyles play in your consciousness
Between insecurity and false confidence
In your firm sense of righteous deviance
They find a nice place to nestle in and call home
You'll never be alone, but you're always on your own
I want to dance with them
Bathe in this disastrous requiem
Take the shades of complexity onto my tongue
All given, no condition, tasted affliction
I would give you truth, but it's dynamically divine
I would give you a sense of security, but that's a silly thing for the constructs of your mind
When I finally open my eyes I see
You and me naked in the rain
Dancing in droplets, dripping pain
Laughing, splashing in puddles of shame
Soaked to the soul
Let me go on an exploratory dive
Swimming into the depths of your mind
And if I make it back alive
I'll go again deeper, deeper
Hoping to transcend the beginning of the end
You can challenge me, you can shake my beliefs
Shock and awe, beckon and tease
Chew and spit, plead guilty and unravel me
Playing between senses, playing between defenses
I would give you redemption, but to have redemption you have to have faith
I would give you illusion, but as your own illusions will demonstrate
When you finally open your eyes you'll see
You and me naked in the rain
Dancing in droplets, dripping pain
Laughing, splashing in puddles of shame
Soaked to the soul
I want to play in your consciousness
Between magical and infectious happenstance
In your firm sense of righteous deviance
I find a nice place to nestle in and call home
You'll never be alone, but you're always on your own
I would give you second chances, but to have a second chance you have to fuck it up
I would give you moments to see me too, but moments never seem to last long enough
If we ever open my eyes I know we’ll see
You and me naked in the rain
Dancing in droplets, dripping pain
Laughing, splashing in puddles of shame
Soaked to the soul
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7. |
Crooked
05:16
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Your crooked hands
Your clever hands
Your calm and contemplating hands
The way they betray all they hide is quite becoming of you
The way they violate the black and white space makes it a part of you and a part of me too
They look like they have tried to wring themselves choked and blue
They could smooth down my face
Over the strains to the contented truth
You, you’re singing a new kind of song to me
I, I’ve never felt this kind of melody
You’re speaking to a part of me that’s never felt this kind of groove
And it comes from somewhere buried deep
It’s anticipation and relief
It’s taking hold of my body and soul and causing them to move
I drowned once in your eyes, pulled down into the sea by stormy surf
They’re honest, and they’re stoned, and they’re grieving and they’re hurt
Blinking on and on, blinking off; like some crepuscular learning curve
They’re mining for information and begging you to be unearthed
You, you’re singing a new kind of song to me
I, I’ve never felt this kind of melody
You’re speaking to a part of me that’s never felt this kind of groove
And it comes from somewhere buried deep
It’s anticipation and relief
It’s taking hold of my body and soul and causing them to move
You’re bearing me, wearing heat, so innocently caring means
So blindly full of influence, overflowing with mood
Unintentionality, indifference, pulsing changes in circumstance
Sweetly in counterpoint with chance, deepening heavier when seen beside
Truth,
you
take me so much further than my
view
to truth
to all the reasons singing higher
I have left the melody and can’t be stilled in this harmony
Truth talking ‘bout you and I’m far beyond what you were moving
too
uncouth, I think
For I can’t be stilled if my heart holds the beat
You, you’re singing a new kind of song to me
I, I, I’ve never felt this kind of melody
You’re speaking to a part of me that’s never felt this kind of groove
And it comes from somewhere buried deep
It’s anticipation and relief
It’s taking hold of my body and soul and causing them to move
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8. |
Ripples
02:59
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Ripples on water aren’t the kind of thing that can be captured
They have to be lived to really truly be realized
Like my mother’s love for her daughter, like when a thousand footsteps falter
Like the moment you try to see the world through someone else's eyes
Freeze frames don’t have this sort of beauty
The beauty I see every day in the world
Loving and living and crying and singing
About the way I fall in love with every day again
Rain clouds and runaways, long walks on windy days
Ways we try to differentiate between broken hearts and broken minds
Playgrounds, oh they’re waterfalls; piano bars and curtain calls
The way your heart feels all tangled up with mine
Freeze frames don’t have this sort of beauty
The beauty I see every day in the world
Loving and living and crying and singing
About the way I fall in love with every day again
A baby’s laughter, the way I’m enraptured
By the mutual praise of the sun’s rays drenching trees reaching to the sky
Sidewalk chatter, and hope in disaster
Or the moment you find the world in someone else’s eyes
Freeze frames don’t have this sort of beauty
The beauty I see every day in the world
Loving and living and crying and singing
About the way I fall in love with every day
Oh the way I fall in love with every day
Oh the way every day seems to make me fall in love all over again
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9. |
The Itch
03:54
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I’m running out of words
Of letters and syllables
To rhyme you all around me
I’m running out of pretty metaphors
Of stories and structures
To rhyme you all around me
But I haven’t even started
So I’m drawing from empty veins, if only because
Your love and my addiction are both means to an end
Creations I’ve intentionally, accidentally engineered
As demonstrations of my abilities to feel and to learn
Your love, addiction my love, my means to an end
Can you narrow down the demographic
For the inclination to destroy
Pretty things, delightful things, magical and precious things
Is it a sickness or just a personality trait
When one tries to avoid
Perfect things, precious things, wonderful and delightful things
Are there exceptions to laws of attraction
Magnetic forces that change unexpectedly, if only because
Your love and my addiction are both means to an end
Creations I’ve intentionally, accidentally engineered
As demonstrations of my abilities to feel and to learn
Your love, addiction my love, my means to an end
And I can’t stop fighting myself for you
And I can’t stop spinning my truth
And I can’t stop telling myself that oh, I really want to
Claw at the itch until I can breathe again
Your love, my addiction my love, my love, you’re my means to an end
Creations I’ve intentionally, accidentally engineered
As demonstrations of my abilities to feel and to learn
Your love, addiction my love, my means to an end
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10. |
Semblance of Faith
04:10
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It’s the kind of thawing of winter that leaves the snow pocked and dirty and old
With the kind of wind that caresses your bones gentle and cold
And scrapes naked branches against your heart
It’s a graying of seasons, it’s taking my pleasant illusions and tearing them apart
And it causes me to wonder when you slipped into inevitability
And it causes me to consider how long I’ve been dancing with reality
Who was it that sowed the seeds of sadness in your soul
Was there a moment in your life when you realized that eventually you’d lose control
Every word that you don’t say brings me closer to realizing what I know
Even if I maintain some semblance of faith, you’re still going to let yourself go
I wrote a birthday greeting on a bathroom stall in the flock of angry letters
I knew it wouldn’t save anything at all, or really make me feel much better
The acrid scent filled my lungs like some non-toxic rhapsody
The futility a sweet resistant harmony
But it was my outcry against your goddamn fallibility
And it was my outcry against the humanity of humanity
Who was it that sowed the seeds of sadness in your soul
Was there a moment in your life when you realized that eventually you’d lose control
Every word that you don’t say brings me closer to realizing what I know
Even if I maintain some semblance of faith, you’re still going to let yourself go
Even if I maintain some semblance of faith, you’re still going to let yourself go
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11. |
Tangled Up With You
03:51
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I lay down, turn my head around
To try to see the world from a different perspective
See love’s rough edges from a different perspective
I close my eyes, rearrange my mind
To try to prevent myself from becoming too introspective
I used to feel so unwelcome in my own skin
But baby you make me beautiful
You make me beautiful
I’ve been here before, but only in a dream
I’ve felt happiness like this before, but only in moments fleeting
So now I’m trying to convince myself
I’m only momentarily blue
Trying to keep myself all
Tangled up with you
I analyze, hypothesize, and realize
If I can be lovely for you
Maybe I could be lovely for me too
I open my heart, stand upside down to let fall out
All the strangers in me that are strangers to you
You make me feel so unwelcome in my own skin
But baby you make me beautiful
You make me beautiful
I’ve seen this time of year before, but not while in love
It’s like the difference between the view from the ground, and the view from above
So now I’m trying to convince myself
I’m only momentarily blue
Trying to keep myself all
Tangled up with you
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12. |
Sticker Collection
02:43
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I cut myself to the bone
On the shards of your mind, on the fragments of your soul
The pieces lied there, suggestive, seductive
Like a dangerous jigsaw puzzle, like a warm that turns to cold
Never can play
Always remain
Just beyond the reach of hands still unseen
Look but don’t touch
Volatile enough
Serpentine shedding of the skin
Bury your sticker collection
It never could save your soul
Disregard every bitter recollection
Memories melting onto stone
The symptoms of restraint remain unclear
Dulling of the senses
Heightened perceptions
The results of futility aren’t fully understood
Replace growing comprehension
With cancerous pretention
For your own good
Is misunderstood
Through disfigured aspirations, mutated elation
Look but don’t touch
Hostile enough
Comfortable sickness setting in
Bury your sticker collection
It never could save your soul
Disregard every bitter recollection
Memories melting onto stone
Disregard every bitter recollection
Memories melting
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Lauren Best Ontario
Lauren Best and The Renegade Company: Lyrical alt-pop, revealing a quirky singer-songwriter with diverse influences. "Thinking and feeling music" with jazzy grooves and reflective lyrics that speak to audiences of all ages. Small-town sensibility with big-city flavour. ... more
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